I can tell you from my own experience how overwhelmed my
husband and I were back in the days after our child's diagnosis shortly before Grade 1. We
began meeting with school officials regarding school supports for our son. We
knew nothing about the resources within the school board, what we could seek to
access for his school needs. But we persevered. We read online what
other families are experiencing and the paths that they followed. We went to the meeting table asking questions having brought with us a list of all that we know about our
child’s strengths and weaknesses. We were firm with our requests but we were
also respectful of the staff’s time and showed our appreciation for the efforts
that they are making. We found that the more specific questions we have to
present at the table, the closer we got to addressing the ongoing situations
with our child at school. Looking back, I think it was easier for the staff
when parents come prepared with a list of things that they see might help their
child at school. It becomes a written agenda for the team to discuss and explore options.
The needs might not get resolved right away but a plan is set in motion – what,
who, where, when and how – will the support will be provided for the student. We also found that setting up a deadline for the outcome of any item on the agenda, allows for space for
both us as parents and the staff space to put resources into place or to work out
other options. My husband took notes while I made my points, brought to the
meeting in written format, and verbally followed up on them. We learned much
later that we could have asked for a copy of the minutes for the meeting
because the staff always takes notes. This, purely for the purpose of reminding
ourselves what we discussed in the previous meeting and what we could follow up
in the next. As we got more organized in later years, we kept the notes from
the meetings and were able to follow up on issues and steps considered as
needed. Our strategy was to make and build a sustained friendly and
approachable relationship with the school staff. We realized that communication's possible when
both sides are talking to one another respectfully valuing each other’s input
and perspective.
Two most productive things that came out of the early meetings
were 1. the communication book from our child’s teacher telling us about some
of the challenges of our child’s day. 2. the resource teacher made herself available
to answer questions on a daily basis when she was available. This was an ideal
team approach. We learned to prioritize the top, say, three immediate needs of
our child and made sure they’re met and let go of the rest. In other words, we learned
to pick our battles.
From our family's experiences, some lessons learned that I’d like to
share with other parents of special needs children are
- write your own notes and go over them with the staff at the end of the meeting
- provide the school techniques and strategies that work with your child at home
- be involved in school events as much as possible so school staff becomes familiar with the kind of person you are
- take someone, a family member, a friend, a support worker, to school meetings. The presence of another person can help when parents become too emotional or forget to cover some points that they really wanted to
- pick your battles wisely. Make sure you prepare a small list of child’s immediate and important current needs and present it at the meeting. Set a deadline and allow space and reasonable time for school staff to put the plan in place.
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